


All of My BOM Crap

by pluie



Category: The Book of Mormon - Parker/Stone/Lopez
Genre: Anxiety, What else is new
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-06
Updated: 2019-01-06
Packaged: 2019-10-05 07:19:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 10,016
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17320493
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pluie/pseuds/pluie
Summary: Currently trying to put all of my writing in one place. Here is all of my Book of Mormon stuff!





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This one might actually be a modge podge of different ones. I don't feel like reading it right now! Here!

Kevin had an image he needed to keep up. For himself, for his acquaintances, for his family. He upheld his image with pride and purpose. He was by far the most knowledgeable elder in the training center and had a kind of leadership position. He needed to be confident, easy-going, talkative, sociable, all aspects of a great leader. 

 

After returning to his house after finally discovering his mission, all Kevin wanted was to go up to his room and sit in peace and quiet. This was, however, not what he got. His grandparents were over and his uncles and aunts as well. They all promised to get out of their hair by five, so the Price family could have a nice meal alone, but Kevin had heard that enough times that he knew at least his Uncle Lee would stay until six thirty.  
Surprisingly, everyone kept to their word this time. By fifteen past five Kevin’s house was now devoid of extended family. Now it was simple, get through dinner with his mother and father, as well as his brother and sister, Jack and Hannah, then he could go and hide in his room. Dinner was simple, the food, anyway, and conversation was slightly more difficult. Nevertheless, Kevin got through it and by 6:30 Kevin stole to his room and locked the door.  
Now he tried to process all that had happened in the day while not getting too close to the brink of panic. This proved difficult and he spent more time than he’d like to admit fighting off the waves of anxiety.

 

He had gone over their flight plan dozens and dozens of times but it didn’t calm his racing heart as he sat down on the plane. He was sat in the window seat with Arnold to his left and buckled his seatbelt, fastening it tightly against his abdomen. Arnold happily pulled Lord of the Rings from his backpack, both of which Kevin knew were on the Do Not Bring List, and started to read after they took off.   
Kevin had remembered why he disliked planes. There were too many people on planes. He bit his lip as he looked out the window. His anxiety was something he had kept extremely well-hidden. High school had made it more difficult to hide, stress of school with the stress of being the poster-child for Mormonism had brought out some of his negative habits. But he could always escape. He could always seek refuge in his room, he could get alone, he could ride it out without someone watching. But now he couldn’t.   
After graduation, Kevin didn’t feel less stressed. In fact, now he had more to worry about than ever before. He was all lined up to go on a mission. He had met with the Bishop, done all the necessary forms, gone to the doctors, completed more forms and finally met with the bishop again. After all of this he set up his meeting with the stake president and awaited his Call Letter. After an eternity his call letter arrived with his mission companion and he was all set up.  
Kevin reached into his shoulder bag and pulled out a book that had been on the recommended reading list: Jesus the Christ by James E. Talmage. He had read several chapters so far, and opened it to where his bookmark was placed. He swallowed hard as they hit some turbulence and tried to direct his attention back to his book.  
“Moses proclaimed the coming of a great Prophet in Israel, whose ministry was to be of such importance that all men who would not accept Him would be under condemnation…”  
Kevin stared at the page. He couldn’t concentrate on what was being said and resorted to rereading it multiple times before giving up and trying to forge on. This flight would last forever.  
By the last thirty minutes of the flight, Kevin could tell his anxiety was peaking. There was no hope in trying to read so he just pretended, looking down at the pages and every once in awhile flipping them over. He was acutely aware of everyone’s presence on the plane and was very focused on every jostle that the plane took. He had had enough nightmares of his plane crashing.  
When the pilot finally announced their descent, Kevin had to keep from sighing out loud. He knew he needed to keep it together for at least another ten minutes. It was slowly but surely growing harder to breathe and Kevin could tell that his hands were growing increasingly sweaty. He needed off of the plane, away from the people, he needed quiet and honestly, a place to sleep this nightmare away.  
He squirmed away when Arnold went to offer 

//////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Kevin could not imagine anything worse than what he was experiencing. He had planned his life perfectly and acted accordingly, following his parents word without a second thought and followed the Church without any resistance. He had an image to uphold: being the confident, outgoing, knowledgeable leader of his community. This was above himself, this was for his family, his friends, his own leaders and for Heavenly Father.  
He went through his high school career and recieved top grades. He had perfect attendance for two of the four years, maintained a GPA above a 4.0, participated in extracurriculars and on top of that was active at church. He had done everything right and everything perfectly. That was his thing. He was the Perfect Price and showed it in everything he did.  
He had a very clear path for himself during high school and after high school. He would contact his bishop and go through all the necessary steps to get his Call for his Mission. He would be placed in Orlando, Florida with a boy who could match his attitude for service with the church. They would be an incredible team and Kevin would lead to become the mission with the highest number of baptisms in the shortest amount of time.   
He would take the world by storm, sharing the word of the Lord with those around him and teaching people about the Church of Latter-day Saints. He had done everything according to his life plan. He prayed in the morning and at night, he went to church every week, he was active with the church, he did it all. So he could not bring himself to believe it when he received his Call Letter saying he was placed in Uganda with Elder Cunningham, the least competent boy he had ever met.  
To be honest, he didn’t even know how Arnold had been given a mission. Hadn’t he gone through the same excruciating process? Two long conversations with his bishop and a stressful interview with his Stake President. He had to make calls on his own to make his doctors appointments, which was in itself a feat for Kevin, but on the bottom line, he had gone through quite an ordeal to be given the honor of a mission. It absolutely was not the place he had expected (nor wanted), but he was not going to let that stand in his way of his perfect future.  
He had to accept that Heavenly Father must have a plan for him and this Elder Cunningham, even if he had no clue what it entailed. So Kevin took his Call Letter and went to the Missionary Training Center to prepare for a very important two years. At last, he and Arnold were to be on their way to Uganda. He still wanted desperately to be transferred to Orlando, but tried his best to put it out of his mind. He wished he could forget how fiercely he fought off an anxiety attack the night after seeing Uganda instead of Orlando.   
He would be absolutely lying if he said he was looking forward to this mission. Perhaps he was eager to try and spread the message of the church. Yes, he wanted to explore the possibilities of being a mission, but he did not want to fly there. He didn’t want to get there, but he would much rather he could just be there instead of going through the flights.   
Kevin kept two secrets. His ‘donut story’ from childhood and his anxiety. His anxiety was very well hidden. He did, after all, have an image to keep up and his aversion to most social situations was not going to ruin his life plan. Besides, he had a simple script. What he needed to say was outlined for him by the church. He needed things to be perfect and the unpredictability of other humans was too much pressure on top of everything else.   
He needed perfection. He knew a lot was riding on his being the poster-child for Mormonism, and he could not mess it up. He didn’t know how his mission would turn out, whether he would even be good at it. He knew he should be good at it, according to all he had done to prepare, but you could never know. He didn’t know whether he packed the right things, he didn’t know whether he packed everything, it could be on his bed right now.  
He didn’t know if he forgot his Book of Mormon. He didn’t know if he packed the right number of ties. He didn’t know if he double-checked his luggage was the appropriate weight. Well, now that he thought about it, it was definitely over the appropriate weight. He really should have made sure before they were in the car on the way to the airport. Did he pack his toiletries? Were they still on the bathroom counter? Where was his ticket?   
Kevin remembered two distinct things about Orlando, Florida. How absolutely magical the experience had been, and the pure horror that was flying. He had hated every single part of it, from arriving, going through security, sitting in the confined space with so many people, turbulence, the terminal, everything. And now he had one of the longest flight paths out of all of his friends at the training center. Excitement was not a word he would use to describe how he felt.

Kevin pulled at his shoulder bag as he walked through the terminal. He was exhausted after not sleeping well the night before, but pushed on. He had left his family at security and now he had to wait with Elder Cunningham to board their flight. The thought of the travel ahead made it hard to swallow. He noticed with a twinge of displeasure that Arnold had a backpack, which was listed as one of the things not the bring on your mission. But Kevin pushed that out of his mind as they approached their gate.   
Boarding and take-off was, on the surface, uneventful and Kevin simply sat very unhappily in the middle seat. The middle seat was the cheapest and the Price’s, having two more children to send on missions, chose the least expensive option. There were people, no, strangers on both sides of him. He and Arnold were seated together on the right side of the plane with Arnold on the aisle and Kevin in the middle seat. This would be the set up for all of their flights to Kevin’s extreme distaste. Thankfully, the woman to his right did not try to engage in any interaction other than a polite nod and hello.  
Kevin had gone over their flight path in his head thousands of times by now, but listing it all out silently calmed his racing heart. They left Salt Lake City International Airport at 1:30 without delay and after about two hours and twenty minutes they would arrive in Seattle to await a three hour layover. He wished he could get a four hour flight to Orlando and call it a day.   
He sat stiffly, very uncomfortable. He didn’t like the people around him. He could feel their stares. Dealing with strangers outside of the training center was not his forte. Arnold was happily reading The Lord of the Rings, also on the Do Not Bring list, and Kevin numbly thought about the next leg of their journey. He reached up and straightened his tie and corrected his hair. He had done that a lot already today, a lot already on the flight and he slowly lowered his hands. He pulled out a book to try and distract himself from the present circumstances.   
He tightened his grip on the cover of the book as the plane hit a patch of turbulence. His eyes darted to the ceiling as the light signaling that seat belts were required turned on with a soft ding. He wished he could get off this terrible plane. He reached down and pulled his belt tighter around his waist and automatically reached up to fiddle with his tie.   
When they announced their descent Kevin had to stop himself of sighing audibly. There were too many people on planes and it felt as if everyone onboard had their eyes on he and Arnold. In his plainclothes Kevin would have felt the beady stares but he was in his perfectly pressed shirt with a nameplate on his chest clearly stating that he was a missionary. He squirmed in his seat, his heart was beating much too fast.  
They finally landed in Seattle and Kevin’s head was pounding. He was starving after not eating anything for lunch around when they took off. The terminal smelled of vomit and added to his headache. Kevin, urgently wanted to get away from the people and the smell, pulled Elder Cunningham down the airport as quickly as he could. He wanted to go to sleep.  
The pair found a deserted bench with a large window overlooking the tarmac. They decided, or, Arnold decided that they would find a place to sit, have a quick snack, then figure out the next thing they had to do. Kevin, deciding that he better not walk around when he felt so lightheaded, was left in charge of watching Elder Cunningham’s and his luggage. He straightened his tie and furiously rubbed his hands up and down his pant legs.  
With a certain degree of detachment, he realized that it was becoming increasingly difficult to breathe. His face flamed in embarrassment and his was endlessly thankful for their more private bench. Their bench was more like a slab of concrete with tall concrete walls at either end making it relatively secluded from the sides. Kevin distantly registered Arnold’s return.   
“Hey buddy, do you want some of my sticky bun?” Arnold asked, oblivious to Kevin’s situation. Kevin shook his head unevenly and tried to adjust his tie again, but his hands weren’t steady enough. “Buddy?”


	2. Long

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> long long maaaaaan gum

Kevin had never felt more excited in his life. Finally, after years of being devout to the church he was finally becoming a missionary. He had also never felt more nervous in his life. His stomach was churning when he woke up and he had waited a few extra minutes before getting up. He dressed as he did everyday, but took extra precaution with his outfit to make everything perfect. It felt like only a few seconds had gone by before he was standing with all of his missionary brothers awaiting an assignment. 

As his friends got paired together and each got assigned excellent destinations, it was hard to ignore the sweat that was accumulating in his palms. His wiped them on his pant legs and readjusted his tie. He thought about the second most excited he had ever been. He was so excited during the family trip to Orlando. Yes, that was definitely when he felt this excited. Then, though, he was not this anxious. He readjusted his tie again. 

He put on a good act, no one could see the inner turmoil. When all of the other Elders had asked him about where he thought he might be sent, he had responded with a bright smile. Perhaps one could see that he was a little nervous, it was a big day after all, but not to the extent he was feeling it. He made sure to smile widely and with confidence and the other Elders did the same. Everyone was nervous. 

He wished and prayed that he could go to Orlando for his mission. That was where he had felt the most happy in his life. Lately, he hadn't been very... happy. He was felt mostly stressed with a touch of happy. He wanted to get back to his happy place. So he prayed and prayed for Orlando. He went around and congratulated the pairs again. He reached up to make sure his hair was perfect before tugged on his shirt. Suddenly his name was called. 

"Yes sir!" He rushed forward. 

"Your brother will be, Elder Cunningham!" Kevin nodded slowly and turned to watch Elder Cunningham stumble out of the crowd and rush over. The shorter boy yelled something along the lines of 'oh boy!' and 'that's me!' but Elder Price wasn't listening fully. He put on his biggest smile and welcomed Elder Cunningham as optimistically as he could. 

"Oh, hi!" Then directed his attention back as the destination was being announced. He sent a few more quick prayers, hoping for Orlando. 

"And your mission location is...Uganda!" For a second Elder Price didn't breathe, his posture faltered for only a second before straightening again. It felt like someone had punched him in the gut.

"Uganda?" As he said it Elder Cunningham had cried enthusiastically:

"Uganda! Cool!" Then a pause where he leaned uncomfortably close to Elder Price and asked. "Where is that?" Kevin took a small step away from the black haired teenager, replaying what had just happened in his mind. He was vaguely aware that Elder Cunningham was still speaking but he was too far in his mind to hear. He swallowed hard and forced himself to take a breath. 

We was aware that he had not moved for a few long moments and tried to snap himself out of whatever this was. It took him a few tries before the smile etched itself onto his face again and he put himself into the normal rhythm. To the observer, he was fine, just a minor upset, but inside his mind was racing in disbelief. 

The day ended with Elder Cunningham and he exchanging contact information and going back to the dormitories at the Missionary Training Center. Their flight would be in two days time and Kevin was both thankful that he had time to process this information and horrified. His family had congratulated him and Jack was excited for him, but it all felt like it happened in a daze. 

He packed his bags in a similar state of detachment and his family was there when he arrived at the airport. Once they entered Salt Lake City International, they ventured toward security where the families agreed to meet. He said a heartfelt goodbye with his family, hugging his mother as she shed a few tears before breaking away to say hello to Elder Cunningham. The shorter boy's family greeted Kevin with smiles and he nodded back to them.

Soon, both families departed leaving Elder Cunningham and him alone. They went through security and the to the gate. He recited the flight in his head. To his distaste they would have to spend an overnight layover in Dubai in the second leg of their trip. He wished there was a non-stop flight to Uganda but his parent had made it clear that there had to be several stops. The families had gone with the cheapest option, at a pricey one grand, and sent them on their way.

There was an awkward conversation where Elder Cunningham was acting childish and Kevin had had enough. These two years were the most important two years in his life. He didn't have time for this clingy boy who barely seemed to understand the guidelines they were sent here on.  
After explaining to Elder Cunningham that this, this trip, would be his big moment, that he would be the one to change the world and baptize all of Uganda, boarding was announced. He knew to some extent that it was not the nicest thing to say to this boy, but he had seen him at the missionary training center. He was downright incompetent. He needed to assert himself and never maybe he could salvage this mission. He was supposed to do something incredible.

Their two hour flight to Seattle was uneventful. Kevin was uncomfortable, but he remembered how he didn't like the flight to Orlando. He did not like flying, or rather, he did not like flying with other people. Other people were unpredictable and had germs and Elder Cunningham had put his arm over the armrest and Kevin was sat stiffly in the middle seat. Elder Cunningham had the aisle and there was a stranger next to him. He thought numbly of the next leg to come.

Once they landed in Seattle they had a nearly three hour layover. As the pair passed through the terminal the smell of vomit was overwhelming and added to Kevin's headache. He could not stand the smell of it and he pulled Elder Cunningham as quickly as he could down the hallway. They found a bench to sit in and he was left in charge of Elder Cunningham's luggage as he trudged off for a snack. Kevin leaned against the wall and closed his eyes.

His mission hadn't begun yet and he was already wishing to go home. He straightened his tie and rubbed his hands up and down his legs while thinking of their next two flights. Elder Cunningham returned with a sticky bun and offered a section to Kevin. He pursed his lips and shook his head, watching in disgust as Elder Cunningham spoke with his mouth full. He settled on watching the people walk by until headache became stronger and he leaned against the wall, closing his eyes again. 

They started to their boarding area with an hour of their layover left to go and sat, looking out the large windows. Kevin was playing with his hair, making sure it was perfect again, when a baby started crying. He thanked Heavenly Father that it was on the plane across from them and watched as the sun began to slide towards the horizon line. Their flight would be overnight, from almost six o'clock Seattle time fourteen hours to Dubai, where it would be seven.

The pair boarded with no problems, though Elder Price did have to squeeze out and stand horribly close to Elder Cunningham as another gentleman squeezed through to the window seat. The plane took off and Kevin was again uncomfortable to be in the middle seat. It had been the cheapest seat. The third time he reached up to straighten his tie he elbowed the man next to him. He muttered a quick apology, reaching up and loosening it and unbuttoning the top two buttons. 

He pulled on a sweatshirt that he had brought with him and took out a book he had brought for light reading. He had secretly wanted to bring a fiction book, but kept to the guidelines. He had promised himself he would read his Book of Mormon on the flight, but his head was still pounding and he knew it would be a stretch to read the scripture in such conditions. Soon, Elder Cunningham fell asleep and leaned lightly onto Kevin's shoulder and Kevin shuddered, trying to weasel away from his touch. 

He did not like strangers and since Elder Cunningham was basically a stranger, he did not like this. He did not like it when people touched him, he did not have an explanation other than they had germs and they would be invading his personal space. He prayed to Heavenly Father that Elder Cunningham would move, but he stayed exactly as he was. The businessman next to him had a tablet out and continued to read after the lights had been dimmed. 

Three hours into the flight Kevin had just started to drift off to sleep when they hit a patch of turbulence. He jolted awake, eyes flashing and breathing rapidly as the seatbelt light came on with a soft ding. Elder Cunningham looked around in confusion before closing his eyes again. They were out of the turbulence for a few minutes when the man in the window seat rested his hand gently on Kevin's forearm for a moment to get his attention. His head whipped around and the man quietly explained he needed to use the restroom.

Kevin blinked a few times before nodding slowly. He turned towards Elder Cunningham and roused him awake. He quickly explained the situation and the man rushed down the aisle. The two of them sat down for a few minutes before they had to get up again. The businessman fell asleep a few minutes after Elder Cunningham, who had fallen back asleep almost as soon as he closed his eyes. Kevin sat there blankly staring across the cabin before he fell asleep. 

He had been asleep for three hours when he woke up for no known reason. He was exhausted, wanted desperately to be off of the plane, but realized with a pit of dread that he still had eight hours until they landed in Dubai. Thankfully, Kevin fell sleep for four hours and woke up only because Elder Cunningham and woken up. He noticed with a tired form of comedy that his eyes hurt because he was so tired. 

Elder Cunningham was looking around with bright eyes, having slept for nine hours, and did not sense Kevin's discomfort. The next four hours had Kevin drifting between sleep and consciousness and did not offer an sort of rested feeling. After an eternity, they landed in Dubai. The sun was beginning to set and there were hundreds of people bustling to flights in the airport. Kevin shrunk in on himself, looking around in a haste for the baggage claim. 

He still had his plain navy sweatshirt on, he didn't want to be walking around in a crumpled shirt, and stared at Elder Cunningham's wrinkled shirt. Elder Cunningham was grinning widely, taking everything in with an energy that matched Kevin's usual energy levels. His headache had gone away with the slight sleep he had but he was incredibly hungry. He tried to speak once, but his voice was hoarse. He cleared his throat. This time, Elder Cunningham understood and waited by their bags as Kevin stalked away to find some sort of nourishment. 

He settled on a granola bar with a sigh, not having the energy to actually speak with someone and order. He didn't want to talk to anyone. He was thankful when Elder Cunningham took the lead and steered them towards the complimentary bus to their hotel. Kevin felt utterly out of his element. He was so beyond tired that it was hard to keep his head up, he never liked talked to strangers, he just wanted to be back home. 

He was so good at being a missionary because he had a fairly simple script. When he had enough sleep he could push down his irrational dislike of social situations and focus on putting on a convincing and welcoming act. Now he shriveled when the bus driver asked which hotel he was going to. Elder Cunningham responded for him and explained with his usual bubbly and over-enthusiastic self that they were en route for a mission in Uganda. 

Once at the hotel, Elder Price became certain of Elder Cunningham's first name. He was fairly sure of it at the airport, having overheard the family, but Elder Cunningham had to give his full name to check in. They were each given keys and told that their room was on the second floor and then they were in the elevator. They both entered the hotel room and after a quick shower for both of them the got into bed, though Arnold stayed up for a little while longer and watched television. Kevin was so tired he fell asleep almost as soon as he closed his eyes. 

He woke with a start around midnight. He had had a nightmare about their plane to Uganda crashing. He pushed himself up from his position and leaned against the headboard. He held his breath to steady his breathing and brought a hand up to push the hair from where it had fallen onto his forehead. He looked to the other bed where Elder Cunningham slept soundly and slowly lowered himself back under the covers. 

Elder Cunningham waking him up was probably the only thing that would have woken him. He was so deep in sleep he expected to be in his bedroom when he opened his eyes but a stab of dread hit his stomach when he saw his surroundings. He noticed his eyes still hurt and he slowly maneuvered himself to sit up with his legs hanging over the bedside. 

"Hey buddy, sorry to wake you." Elder Price shrugged. "They're serving breakfast downstairs." He reached behind him and pulled around a box. "Since the flight is at 9:20 and we need to be there two hours early I went down and got some stuff as soon as they opened at six. I hope you like pancakes." Kevin smiled, he actually genuinely smiled, and he murmured a tired 'thank you'.

They ate in their room and quickly went to catch the six-thirty shuttle. They sent their bags on their way, went through security and were once again sat at a gate to wait. Elder Price had gotten the majority of his energy back but was dreading the next five hour flight. He silently wished he had been placed somewhere closer to home. He knew that Heavenly Father must have sent him here with a reason, though, and he must have sent him with Arnold with a reason as well. He had no idea what the reason may be though. 

Once again he found himself in the middle seat of the airplane with Elder Cunningham on one side and this time an older woman in the window seat. To his dismay the woman started to have a conversation with him. He simply pretended this was a training exercise at the training center and responded carefully and with a big smile. Their conversation ended swiftly and Kevin was secretly immensely grateful. He couldn't help but notice how crowded the plane was. He reached up to straighten his tie but slowed his movements when there was a dull ache in his upper arm. It occurred to him that this was because he had done it so many times the day before and he sat in silence as embarrassment washed over him. 

He sat with his usual nervous stiffness, constantly fiddling with some facet of his outfit or appearance. He was running his hands up and down his pants legs when they announced they were beginning their decent. He thanked Heavenly Father for making sure their plane didn't crash. They landed and got all of their stuff together, finally they stood at a bus stop. 

Kevin was once again compulsively adjusting his tie and hair and shirt and glancing around and straightening his posture. The bus was late. It was so hot outside. He wished he had his water bottle. Elder Cunningham and his pants were like miniature furnaces. Finally the bus came and they were on the way to the village. Kevin was thinking about what needed to happen when they arrived and by the time he was finished cycling through it a second time they arrived at their destination. 

They excited the bus and were hit in the face with the foul stench of a decaying animal. They soon located the smell as a woman walked past dragging what looked like a dead zebra. Elder Cunningham pulled out a camera, something Kevin noted as one of the things on the 'Do Not Bring' list, and started asking a few questions about Uganda. In a flash there were two tall men crowding around them both, ripping away their suitcases and threatening them. He remembered a question about their nationality, so he had replied with his smile, a hello, and asking to see a Mr. Mafala Hatimbi. One of them had yelled about searching the bags and they opened them, starting to search through everything.

Kevin had stuttered out some type of self-reassurance along the lines of 'don't want anything illegal in there' and stared in horror as they ripped through their luggage. He wasn't exactly sure how it happened –he just asked if he could get something– but suddenly a large gun was being pointed in his face and he was threatened with an angry 'do you want to die' and he raised his hands in defense. His heart beat hard and fast in his chest. Elder Cunningham yelled out something that Elder Price couldn't make out and the two men left them. Then someone else:

"Hello! I am Mafala Hatimbi!" Or, that what Kevin gathered from the multiple sentences he had said. He took a deep breath to steady himself before he spoke.

"Look, some men just took our bags!" Mafala brushed this off, saying something along the lines of 'it's normal' and 'don't worry about it'. He mentioned the police and Mafala laughed at him. 

"Oh well, hasa diga eebowai." This time Elder Cunningham questioned him. There was an extremely vague explanation and a woman handed him her baby as Elder Cunningham spoke with some other locals. He had agreed and added to the pool of misfortune after Elder Cunningham joined. Mafala had been steadily speaking but he had not been paying close attention until he heard:

"Raise your middle finger to the sky and curse his rotten name!" 

"Wait, what?" He turned to try and find the woman who had given him the child but he couldn't remember her face. He slowly creeped towards Mafala. "Excuse me, sir, but, but what exactly does that phrase mean?" Kevin moved the baby to his shoulder and gently bounced it, burping it and taking in the village that surrounded him. The explanation that followed felt like a punch in the gut. Like when it was announced he'd go to Uganda.

"What?!" He turned to find the woman again but to no avail. He saw Elder Cunningham giving around with the villagers and it occurred to him that Arnold was using the phrase. He turned back to the women wildly and asking each one he passed who's child it was. Finally the mother appeared and he ran to grab Elder Cunningham.

He explained why he should not use it and to Arnold and his terror he had indeed been saying it over and over again. He tried to explain that they should not be saying this, that things are not always terrible, but Mafala had a counter to this. He explained how a villager was trying to rape babies to cure AIDS and that's when he tuned out. 

Mafala's daughter, Nabalungi, was very nice though. She lead them to the District 9 Mission building and as she turned to leave she warned them about the dangers of opening their windows. Elder Price just stared as she explained, not at all getting used to the base line of horror in Africa. When Nabalugi left and he uttered a sentence of defeat only to be met with Arnold's utterance of infatuation, he offered that they just go inside.

They were met with an empty room. The lights were on, but it didn't look like anyone was there. After calling out there was an enthusiastic voice from down a hall, followed by a group of other boys wearing similar outfits. Elder McKinley introduced himself as the District Leader. He shook Kevin's hand and soon everyone was introducing themselves and shaking his hand and he sort of wished they didn't. 

"Wow, uh, that's a lot to remember." He said in reference to the onslaught of names. Everyone laughed kindly, mixed in with Elder Cunningham's boisterous cackle. 

"Let's sit, let's sit!" Elder McKinley gestured for them to sit. "Well, we've all been together about three months now, sharing the Word of Christ, saving the souls of the fine Ugandan people through baptism." He ends with a smile. Kevin nods stiffly, everyone is crammed onto the small sofa or standing very close to it. 

"Well uh, how many have you baptized so far?" He asked, eyebrows raised inquisitively.

"Uh... zero." Kevin, at first, wasn't sure if he heard right.

"That's practically nothing." He heard correctly. He saw Elder McKinley shift, uncomfortable with Arnold's bluntness.

"Zero, yes, but there's always hope that tomorrow will be different." Now he smiled and nodded, as do the other Elders.

"Right! Because, Tomorrow is a Latter Day!" Kevin rose from the couch and stepped a few paces away, looking down at the floor, gathering his thoughts. Arnold followed him. "Hey, you alright partner?" Kevin swallowed hard. 

"Yeah." He's trying to convince himself as well. "I'm just ah... I'm just getting a little confused... right now, so...." He trailed off. 

Elder McKinley took to this thought with a smile and explained, with the help of everyone else, that they should try and ignore the harshness of Ugandan life and 'turn it off' as they say. Each and every one of them shared their terrible stories, leaving Elder Price as a loss for words. The group ended on Elder McKinley and his story of Steve Blade. After a little more of the conversation it becomes clear that the thought of 'cheering him up' has turned to 'make sure Elder Price isn't gay'. 

He assured them that he isn't gay and Elder Cunningham yelled out that it worked, leaving Kevin confused and just tired. He tread over to the couch, where he plopped down heavily. The group ended their lecture and thankfully Elder McKinley recognized that they were both tired and needed sleep. He lead them to their room where Arnold expressed his delight in the two of them sleeping close together. 

Elder McKinley laid out the basic rules for lights out and wake-up. After a few more brief words, he headed to his own room. Elder Cunningham was basically undressed by the time Kevin loosened his tie and he sat down on the edge of his bed. He thought maybe, things would be fine until Arnold launched into a flurry of quick questions regarding a book series he's heard of in passing. Kevin paces, going about describing that they needed to focus on their work, instead of whatever he was doing. 

He laid down, thoroughly exhausted and not ready to wake up at 6:30, but then Elder Cunningham began singing. Arnold was playing his last nerve. When asked what he was doing, the curly haired boy said he was cheering him up. Kevin defended that he was indeed, fine, and that this goofing around was what he was talking about. He went on to say they needed to be serious and take things with weight. Kevin admitted he was feeling 'ripped off' and Arnold told him that baptizing all the Africans wouldn't be as amazing if the mission had already done it. He quietly agreed, this comment boosting his confidence again. He laid down for a second time but Arnold stole his blankets. He stared at the wall, thinking of Orlando and home. 

The next day Elder Cunningham and he went to the village to try and at least get a placement. Elder Cunningham had asked what a placement was and he though for a second he was kidding, so Kevin explained with a level of anguish what it meant. Kevin once again explained how he should be the one to do the talking and Arnold seemed to agree. He took this in his stride and they walked up to one of the huts. Arnold had searched with such urgency for the doorbell and was so taken aback that there was none he started retching along the side of the house. 

Kevin reached around to calm him down, saying whatever came to his mind that was even remotely along the lines of 'calm down'. A woman pushed through the door and sent a scalding glare in their direction. The woman reprimands them for making so much noise and asks what they want. Kevin's mind goes completely blank for a moment.

"Oh... Hello ma'am, d-" Kevin glanced back at Arnold to make sure he was okay, who was now standing up. Good. Back on track. "Do you ever feel like there's something missing from your life?" The woman continued the glare at him. He had expected that to work. "Um, when you go to sleep at night, do you s-, do you sometimes feel a power stirring inside you?" Suddenly a man from behind them exclaimed that yes, he felt that way. Elder Price motioned for the man to come over to them, he moved away from the woman. 

"Do you find yourself asking questions about this feeling?" This would definitely turn out to be a placement. He smiled confidently, maybe this mission wouldn't be as terrible as he thought. 

"Yes." Kevin nodded enthusiastically. Yes, finally. District 9 would be on their way to being on the top. He'd finally change the world. He could see Elder McKinley's face now, how in incredible it was that the new missionary got a placement the day after he arrived. 

"And it's because... you want to believe in something else, isn't it?" He'd blow his parents out of the water. They'd be so amazed, so happy that their little blessing was changing the world. Heck, he might even share the success with Arnold, who had made it apparent during their talk the previous night that his parents, specifically his father felt like they were stuck with him.

"No. It's because I have maggots in my scrotum." Kevin stared straight ahead. The out of breath feeling that came with his Uganda assignment and with finding out what hasa diga eebowai meant returned. He pushed it down as Elder Cunningham completely lost his cool.

"You got what?!"

"I have maggots. In my scrotum." Then the man walked forward and began to move his pants away from his hips. "Can you help?" Both of the boys yelled in a mixture of terror and confusion. After a second, Elder Price took a deep breath and continued unsteadily.

"Well, you, uh, you-you should probably see the doctor." Elder Cunningham was still just gaping at the man. 

"I am the doctor." Now Elder Cunningham had definitely lost control and he started babbling to himself. The man was looking at Arnold with a hint of concern so Kevin turned and braced Elder Cunningham's shoulders. 

"Just calm down, calm down!" Elder Cunningham shut his mouth and looked up at Kevin. "I got this." He nodded to himself. He turned to face the doctor and to anyone else in the village who would listen. He cleared his throat. "Ladies and gentlemen, we would like to tell you all about a very special book." 

Kevin went on to tell all of the villagers about the Book of Mormon. He had drawn a crowd after firmly informing Nabalungi that they were different from all of the other Christian missionaries. All of the villagers seemed interested. A part of his brain soared. Maybe he wouldn't get the first placement, but maybe he'd get the whole village. Wouldn't that be a shock! They all seemed cautious about the story, but they seemed on board! 

He continued explaining their religion while Elder Cunningham added little encouragements. They weren't so much encouraging him as they were beginning to annoy him. He knew he had said to do that, to back him up, but he was doing it when it wasn't necessary. Near the end of his explanation he could tell that they were still quite hesitant, but they might be willing. At the end Elder Cunningham had alluded to an infomercial by saying 'if you order now, we'll also throw in a pair of steak knives' and Kevin watched a look of confusion pass over some of the villagers. He shook his head, trying to ignore it, and continued.

"So? Who would like their very own copy of the Book of Mormon?" He plastered on his biggest smile, urging the Ugandans to take the book. 

"What the fuck is a steak knife?" The woman turns and walks away, the crowd dispersing rapidly. Elder Price took a few steps to try and get her back, but abandoned it, overcome with frustration. He turned to Elder Cunningham.

"What the heck were you doing?" Elder Cunningham shrieked away, obviously very sorry.

"Just doing my part, you know, 'cause we're supposed to be a team." Elder Cunningham had a hopeful smile. Kevin was still angry, though. 

"Well, ugh," He turned to looks away and then back again. "There's nothing in the Book of Mormon about steak knives!" How could Elder Cunningham be so stupid? To say something like that? How could he do that and ruin the opportunity for him to get a placement. Kevin looked around the village, not even trying to hide his frustration. 

"I'm-I'm sorry. I've never actually read it." He whipped his head around.

"You what?" He couldn't believe it. He could not understand. How did he even become a missionary? 

"It's-it's just so boring!" He asked Heavenly Father how he could get paired with someone like this. And why Uganda?

"How could you go on-" Elder Price was cut off by angry shouting. 

"JOMAMOSI!" Elder Price turned around and was faced with a tall man. Two guards flanked him, and with a shiver he recognized them as the people who stole their bags. 

"He's here!" A woman cried, backing away to give the three intruders space. Elder Price took a step away from them as well, bumping into Elder Cunningham. 

"What is this?! Some kind of party?!" To his horror, the leader gestured towards them and walked a few paces closer. "My name is General Butt-Fucking Naked. Because when I kill... and drink blood for power– I do it Butt-Fucking Naked! This village belongs to me!" 

"We don't belong to anyone! You only lead a gang of thugs who mutilate women for no reason!" 

"For no reason? The clit-tours... is an abomination. It's wicked pleasure for women has brought a wrath upon Uganda and it must be cast out!" The man who had spoken before stepped forward again, in front of Kevin. He took another step away.

"My wife's body is none of your business! And you are no 'General'!" The General's face darkened. 

"By the end of the week, all females in this village will be circumcised." The General turned his body. "Or I will get Butt-Fucking Naked and do this!" There was a gun and a gun shot and a thud and Elder Price could not hear the screams of the others. The General left the village and as everyone crowded around the now dead man, Kevin stared straight ahead, unmoving. He was eerily still, not even breathing. This was the hardest gut punch of all. 

He turned suddenly, stumbling as he went, away from everyone. He looked down, blood was splattered on his shirt. He could feel that there was something dripping down his face. He reached up as cautiously as one could with shaking hands and his eyes widened as he saw the red on his finger-tips. He was slightly aware that was was hyperventilating. He did not hear Elder Cunningham catch up to him and he pulled away harshly when he rested a hand on his arm to slow him down. 

He could not believe what had happened. None of this made any sense. Why was he here? In Uganda of all places? With Arnold? He was supposed to change the world. It would have been better if he was sent alone on his mission. Heck, he would have been fine in Uganda without Elder Cunningham. Someone had been shot. Someone had been shot. In the head. In front of him. For no reason other than he was defending his wife. Kevin looked down in horror at his shirt. His thinking was coming in waves. He wasn't aware Elder Cunningham was speaking.

"Hey, Buddy," Elder Cunningham was speaking quietly and slowly. "How about we calm down?" 

Kevin stared at him in disbelief. Calm down? He had just witnessed a man get shot in the face and he was covered in his blood. He was covered in this man's blood. The man who was now dead. He had a family. And his blood was on his face and his shirt and his hand and his brain had shut down because that was what anyone's brain would have done. 

"Hey, bud, calm down, hey." It was obvious to Arnold that this wasn't doing anything at all. "Hey, it's okay." Elder Cunningham was slowly leading him in the direction of the Mission building. 

This made Kevin angry. This was not okay. He was not supposed to be sent here. He was supposed to be sent to Orlando, Florida. He was supposed to baptize everyone he came into contact with into the Church. He would get the most placements out of his district. He'd make his family proud. This was supposed to be his two years. 

"Africa.." Kevin began but shook his head. He charged forward and into the mission building. His shirt flared out and upon seeing the blood he could not breathe again. 

"Elder Price! What happened to you?" Kevin clenched and unclenched his fists, shaking his head.

"Africa is nothing like The Lion King." He spat angrily, his voice was wavering. "I think that movie took a lot of artistic license." Another wave of the situation hit him and his breath caught in his throat. He didn't hear the whole of what Elder Cunningham said, but he squirmed when he heard 'guy got shot in the face' and judging by the other Elders' reactions, they thought it equally horrific. He shook his head, squeezing his eyes as tightly closed as he could. He listened as the Elders exclaimed things along the lines of 'oh my gosh' and 'oh no', he opened and closed his hands again, looking at the ceiling. 

"I cannot continue my mission in this way!" He clenched his hands into fists again. He was furious, and he could hear it in his voice. "There is absolutely nothing I can accomplish here!" His breathing was still erratic. 

"Elder Price, you cannot lose your cool on me now! We're about to get evaluated by the mission president!" Elder McKinley had stepped from the throng of the other Elders towards him and Kevin staggered away, bumping into Arnold and then moving away from him as well. He moved his head up and away from Elder McKinley. He made a whimpering sound that was barely heard above Elder McKinley's sentence. Then a thought.

"That's it!" He put his arms on Elder McKinley's shoulders. "The Mission President! I have to go and see the Mission President and get transferred!" He spun on his heel but Arnold was moving to block his path with his arms wide, Elder McKinley did the same. He backed up away from Elder Cunningham, faltering away from him and almost running into Elder McKinley. He was moving backward with clumsy and uneven steps. 

"Buddy! Buddy, I know things seem tough right now," Kevin looked over his shoulder at the group of Elders nervously, then back to Arnold. He was randomly adding short humming noises to match some oh his uneven breaths, subconsciously. He flexed his hand again. He was in his original position now. "But remember! Tomorrow is a Latter Day!" The other Elders chorused in agreement. Kevin looked at the ceiling. He just needed to leave this horrible place. Get out of the building. Get out of Uganda eventually, but now he just needed to get out. Get out where everyone thought Latter Day meant something it didn't.

"Latter Day doesn't mean tomorrow! It means the afterlife! The reckoning!" He exclaimed. "Latter Day, when-when good people get to go to Heavenly Father and they get everything they've always wanted!" His gaze swept between the faces of the two people blocking him. "I'm outta here!" He pushed past both of them but Elder McKinley squeezed in front of the door.

"Hey, hey! Are you forgetting Rule Number 23?!" Elder McKinley reached out and out his hand near Kevin's face, emphasizing the point but Kevin just took more steps backward. "You may not leave the living quarters after 9 pm!" Elder Price was still seething. 

"To heck with the rules!" He growled. "I am not wasting the most important two years of my life!" He stormed out of the door, not caring if anyone followed him. He wiped his bloodied hand on his shirt with a grunt. His heart was beating fast and he was breathing hard, out of anger or panic, he couldn't tell. He just wanted to go home– go to Orlando. That's where they truly needed him, not this place. Not Africa. He heard Elder Cunningham's footsteps catch up with him. 

"Hey, come on! We're supposed to be together at all times, remember?" Kevin closed his eyes and shook his head, turning to face Arnold. 

"I can't do something incredible here!" He looked back, over Elder Cunningham's shoulder at the Missionary building. Kevin reached up to rub the blood from his face, he rubbed his hand onto his pant leg. 

"Okay! Stop, breathe, think! This isn't what you want to do." Elder Price squeezed his eyes shut again. 

"Yes it is!" He exclaimed, wishing that would end the conversation. He reached up to remove more blood and wipe it onto his pants again. 

"Okay! Uhhh, right. If that's what you want to do, then that's what we're doin'." Arnold said firmly. "We're transferring. I'm with you-"

"I didn't say we're transferring! I said I am." He said firmly. He felt a pang of regret, seeing Elder Cunningham's face contort in confusion.. 

"Oh I see..." Arnold trailed off. 

"Look, I'm sorry, you and me," He paused. "We're-we're not that compatible, alright?" 

"Well, we only became best friends a few days ago-"

"I'm not your best friend!" He yelled. "I just got stuck with you by the missionary training center!" Kevin watched Arnold's face fall and this too felt like a punch in the gut. He shouldn't have said that. He shouldn't have said that. He saw tears gathering in Elder Cunningham's eyes. "I didn't mean to, I didn't mean to say 'stuck'... It's just that-"

"No, yeah, yeah, it's fine." It was not fine.

"I-I just meant that-" 

"It's, it's alright. I know how it goes. It's really fine. I'll be, I'll be totally fine." This was the ending he needed. Everything would be fine. Arnold could fend for himself, he would go to Orlando.

"Yes! Yes, you will be fine. It's just that we... need, you know... different things." 

"Right. Different things." Was all Elder Cunningham said, wiping the side of his face.

"It was really nice meeting you." Perhaps he could salvage this situation.

"Yeah... You too. Take it easy." Kevin offered his hand to Arnold. They shook hands and then Kevin turned away. He heard Elder Cunningham sniff and he felt sorry, but he knew it was the right thing. He needed to go to Orlando. Everyone makes mistakes, Heavenly Father surely must be no different. Once Kevin was away and out of earshot he let out a whimpering groan and leaned against a tree. The full effect of what just happened hit him like a brick wall. 

He had witnessed a man being shot. He got that man's blood splattered all over him. He had had a meltdown in front of the entire mission. He had left his mission companion. He had no where to go and he had no clue what to do. He was still in his bloody shirt. It's not like he would waltz back into the building and take a shower. He took off his tie and unbuttoned his shirt with shaking hands and looked at the blood that had now dried onto the white fabric. 

He turned the shirt around to the back and wiped his face. Seeing the rest that came off churned his stomach and he bit back another cry. He wiped his face with his hand, this time feeling tears as well as blood. What was he going to do? He took a gasping breath and pushed himself away from the tree. He walked towards the village. Thankfully, it had rained a few days before Elder Cunningham and he had arrived, and there were still buckets of rainwater. 

It was dark outside and he snuck around to one of the larger buckets, digging a palm in and splashing it on his shirt. He scrubbed at the stain with his fingers until the area faded to pink. He repeated it on the rest of the shirt until it was all damp and light pink. He stuck his hands in the water and splashed his face with it. He stared down at the bucket for a while before standing slowly and holding his shirt in his hand. 

He decided to head toward the bus stop. His luggage was stolen, so he didn't have much of anything back at the Mission Building. He would catch the next bus to the city with the airport and fly home. He'd tell his parents that he just couldn't stand Uganda. No. His parents wouldn't like that. His mind raced. What would they say? 

He got to the bus stop and slid down to the ground, leaning against the pole that signaled it was a stop. He was exhausted. He wanted to be in Orlando. He wanted to be back at the Missionary Training Center. He wanted to be back home. He wanted to be in his own bed, waking up in his house. He hadn't been at home in a long time it seemed. He put his shirt back on and buttoned it up. He put his tie back on and closed his eyes. 

Finally he was in Orlando. Finally he was where he was supposed to be. He'd finish his mission here. He'd be fine here, he'd change to world. He'd baptize everyone into the church. He'd get placements left and right. Maybe at first his parents wouldn't understand, but their son would be doing so amazing they'd forget about Uganda. He looked around, so overwhelmed with happiness. 

"I'm here! I'm here!" He spoke to himself, spinning to gaze at everything and everyone. "Orlando! And it's even better than I could have imagined! The streets are clean; the people are happy..." He caught sight of another thing. "Epcot Center! I can see the ball! The funny thing is..." He trailed off. "I don't really remember getting here..." He paused, looking over his shoulder to make sure no one was there. There was a horrible feeling washing over him. "Wait... this-this can't be Orlando." He looked toward Epcot Center again, it had gone dark, shadowed by thick black clouds. "I don't even remember the plane landing. Where am I?" 

"Kevin Price!" A loud voice boomed as lighting flashed, thunder crashing. Kevin flinched at the noise, looking around. He was alone.

"Who is that?!" He cried out. He could hear the fear in his voice. 

"You broke the rules, Elder. Your soul belongs to me now!" Kevin tried desperately to stay optimistic.l

"Mickey?" There was more lighting and thunder and Kevin curled in on himself. There was deep laughter that seemed to surround him. 

"Think again, minion! You now dwell in eternal flame!" Epcot and Sea World and Disney and and Orlando melted away suddenly, revealing fire


End file.
